


“CONFESS.”

by silurica



Series: Look to Love, Always [11]
Category: Fallen London | Echo Bazaar
Genre: Blood and Injury, Gen, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28255953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silurica/pseuds/silurica
Summary: An unanticipated meeting leads to a difficult promise. We carry the stench of blood with us, but not a shred of forgiveness.
Series: Look to Love, Always [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068755





	“CONFESS.”

February is over, and so is the Feast of the Exceptional Rose. Londoners have cast their masks aside and wrapped up gift-giving business as they return to their usual routine, until next year.

That was what Chizuru thought, until a man in a hooded cloak and cat skull mask showed up before his door. “Confess.” The masked man demanded again.

This is awkward. He needs to say something. Anything. “C-confess what?”

“Your errors.”

“E-eh…?”

Terribly awkward. What does this man want? Actually, has he met this man before? There is a sense of familiarity in how he pronounced his _r_.

They can’t keep standing there. Not to mention that day off is meant for rest; he still feels pain in where his eye was. Yes, that’s it. He slowly closes the door as he says, “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not feeling well now, so I need to go….”

The masked man pushes the door open and barges in. Panic creeps in as well.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but—”

 _“Confess.”_ The masked man repeated again, this time in another tongue. A tongue Chizuru used to speak back in his old life, back on the Surface.

The hood slides off to reveal black hair. He knows this man. _“Shiki-kun…?”_

No reply. Chizuru closes the door, only the two of them together now. If this is his cousin, then it’s perhaps time to….

He puts on a warm smile. ”Please sit down. Would you like a cup of tea?” He asks, but still no answer. The panic that entered his mind earlier turns back into an awkward feeling.

When he returns with cups and a pot of tea, he is glad to see his guest has sat down—with the lack of response earlier, he wouldn’t have been surprised to see him still standing. After he has placed the cups and pot on the table between them, he asks, “Would you like to choose your cup?”

His guest, without any word, makes his choice with the gesture of one finger.

Two cups filled with tea, the aroma filling the space between them. Chizuru drinks from his cup first, then smiles as if reassuring there was nothing suspicious about the tea. Only then his guest takes off his mask.

His eyes are red. Redder than the tea he drinks. Red as wine. Red as blood.

The paining gap hidden behind his bandages throbs. Keep quiet now.

“You know why I’m here, right?”

“Shiki… no, sorry, it’s Leonard now, isn’t it?” Chizuru corrected himself. He glances at the door then the window. “Is Vlad here too?”

“He will not be happy when he finds out I have come to see you.” Leonard places the cup back on its saucer as he throws a sharp look at his cousin. “Please don’t change the topic.”

“Right. Sorry.”

Leonard holds his mask on his lap, staring at his cousin in measured expectation. Chizuru, meanwhile, can only guess what his cousin wants from him.

His smile takes a resigned tone. “I’m sorry, I can’t leave this city yet. There is still something I must do.”

No response. Is he mad? Well, he has every reason to be. With a stare that cold, what else could it be?

“Oh, don’t worry, it has nothing to do with our family in—”

“I know that.” Leonard replies, “It’s hard to ignore how you conducted your investigations.”

Chizuru froze for a moment, like a child caught sneaking to steal from the cookie jar. After a while, he starts laughing. “Ahahah. I’m a mess on my own, aren’t I?”

“You weren’t on your own.” Leonard hisses, “You were with my husband.”

Chizuru paused again, recalling the words he has exchanged with the Romanian. When he has reassembled his thoughts, he replies, “I have told him to stay away from my business.” A sliver of regret in his tone. “But our goals overlap, so I suppose it couldn’t be helped.”

Leonard’s expression hardens. “I saw you with Mrs Osborne too.”

“Oh, yes, she showed me around the University. A very kind lady, isn’t she?”

“How many more until you are satisfied?”

Those words froze Chizuru again. _How many?_

“You killed not insignificant number of players of the Game.” The hands holding the mask are trembling. “You killed my father.”

Chizuru casts his sight downward as he whispers one heavy word, “…Yes.”

“Do you plan to take my new family away too? I won’t let you.”

His stare is intense; it was as if burning flames gave colour to his eyes. He has yet to forgive. He may never will.

As the thought dawns on him, Chizuru’s already weak smile wavers. “You get it all wrong, Leonard. I don’t have such plan. I would never….”

“Laci—Vlad acts odd whenever he returns from seeing you. The madam too. It’s always like that. It happened to father too. They orbit you, and then….” The grip on the mask tightens.

“I never… intended any of that.” He murmurs. Memories from those days come rushing in.

“I will not let you take my family again. I refuse to go through that again, do you hear me?”

“I’m sorry.” One by one, each cutting him inside.

“Do you even know how I felt back then? Forgotten and ignored. Meanwhile you received attention from everyone, even my own father. And then you—”

“I…. I never wanted that. I never wanted any of that!” Chizuru at last raises his voice, silencing Leonard in turn. He remembers those days, when someone watched his every move. “I never wanted their attention! I never wanted to be in that position!” Those days, when they moved him like a pawn. “I never wanted to… I never wanted to kill your father.”

Oh, there he said it. The truth that he could never tell his cousin before. Leonard appears stunned by it.

Not long after, his lips twitched, followed by another barrage of words. “Why did you kill him then?! What was your problem?! What excuse do you have to make my life hell?!”

“Your father never knew boundary. He thought he could persuade me with enough promises, then threats. And I….” There was no excuse. He remembers it all; the conversation, his bloodied hands, those last words. His hands move to cover his face; he can’t face his cousin like this. “I’m sorry, Leonard. I lost myself. I’m sorry.”

“And you expect me to trust you?” Leonard asks, once again has regained control of his tone.

Chizuru shakes his head.

Leonard grits his teeth. “You—”

“I understand if you can’t trust me. Even I can’t trust myself either. I attract death. But please, please believe my story.” He shows his face again with his plea, to look at his cousin in the eyes. “I never wanted to hurt my own family. I’m sick of it all. If I hurt my new friends too, I would be….” Is his expression one of worry? Desperation?

“What matter does it change? You are still a murderer.”

Quiet again. Leonard is right; it doesn’t change the fact that he has taken lives. Chizuru knows he would be wary too if he was in his cousin’s position. Around him, calamity can befall one anytime, just like what happened to Nagato….

“Why did you kill the players of the Game?”

The unexpected question interrupted Chizuru’s thought. Why? He tries, but he can’t look at his cousin’s face again. It took a moment before he can answer, “It was an order… no, a request.”

“The Cheesemonger.” Leonard says, “I foiled her plan once. I thought the Aviary have silenced her, but….”

“I think she and I are the same—we are both sick of losing our families to the Game. And I’m sick of seeing my gentle approach failing to bring result.” A pause. Chizuru then shows his face again, revealing a pained smile. “I realized after everything was over: it’s all a lost cause, including myself.”

Leonard stands from his seat. From under the mask, he has pulled out a knife and pointed it at the neck of the man before him.

Chizuru, still smiling, tilts his head as he watches his cousin. “Can’t do now, Leonard. I have yet to avenge Nagato.”

“Why should I care?” Leonard hisses.

“You may kill me after that, if you wish so. I won’t run.”

Neither of them says anything. The knife in Leonard’s hand stays pointed at his neck. Chizuru keeps looking with a sad smile. A moment frozen by tension, as if it was eternity.

The first to break it was Chizuru. “An agent was sent by the family to bring me back.” He informs, “I refused him, but he insisted on it. So I threatened him, I will kill myself if he forced me to.”

Leonard stays still, unperturbed. Perhaps he now thinks that is exactly what his despicable, pathetic cousin should do.

Chizuru begins loosening the bandage around his head. “So to prove to him I won’t hesitate if it came to that, I showed him this.” The bandages fall off, showing a gaping hole. Red. Dark. Empty. Red. Red.

The knife wavers for a second.

“You can trust me to keep my words. You may kill me after I have finished that business.” Chizuru reassures him.

Red. The colour of the knife plunged into his shoulder. The colour of his eyes.

“Next time it will be laced with Cantigaster’s.”

Those words, too, felt as if they were coloured red. They bring a strange sort of relief.

When Chizuru notices Leonard walking toward the door to leave, he cannot help but stop his cousin by grabbing his shoulder. Leonard throws a glare at him without a second thought. Chizuru takes a step back, but he still needs to say it while he remembers.

“One last thing. It’s about your father… something I never got to tell you back then.”

Leonard, in silence, judges his words.

When he is sure he has his cousin’s attention, Chizuru continues, “Your father loved you until the end. The only names he said with his last breath were yours and your mother’s.”

For a short moment, Leonard shows a different expression than what he has had in the entire meeting. He puts his mask back on and departs immediately after.

And so it was set. He will kill the culprit responsible for the lost of his beloved’s life, and then his cousin may take his life for the same sin. The pain of his missing eye and his shoulder will be nothing. It can’t be more perfect.

Meanwhile, their tea has gone cold.

**Author's Note:**

> This explicitly references old RP that no longer be. It honestly feels awkward and so on and so forth, but it's unthinkable for me to change it, and my intention _is_ importing what I previously wrote. So it goes. So it goes.
> 
> Also I made a couple of grammar corrections.


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